It's funny how most of my thoughts seem to occur while riding in a car. Because when everything around you is muffled in an enveloping cloak of silent tranquility, you hear the raging wars in your head. I find myself with plenty of wars, and scarce reinforcements to support me sometimes. Is this just?
So I came to think of a concept of a righteous anger. First introduced to me at a spiritual camp called Encounter, I've been developing the concept in my mind. I strive to understand if there can be such a thing because out of a natural human desire there are things I feel I have a right to be angry about. But that's not what righteous anger is. . . We shouldn't seek to justify our own bursts of anger, but we are called to identify injustices in the world, and if we can do something to change the situation for the better, we must do so with a righteous anger.
We're called to tend to the poor and homeless, but we instead choose to appease the rich and powerful. Justice isn't even served in a society that places more value on how many people you can tackle, touchdowns you can score, or how much taste one has in clothing over being intellectually proficient to a degree of being potentially able to make a valuable contribution to a slowly degrading society. (Whew, long sentence. Take a breather, you deserve it). Degrading in that we sacrifice morals and values for the sake of entertainment or earning a sense of acceptance from everyone else.
Now that I put that all down on the table, what am I supposed to do? I already strive to not fall into conformism. What else am I called to do?
Some things are put into our lives merely to change us, and we can only hope it's for the better. Some things are different because they're meant only for us. I believe that those things are what we need to look for. Those are the things that make us who we are, they make us into the people we grow into. However, they are different. And if we spend our time immersed in conformism, we shut our eyes to the things that can truly make us who we are.
To tie it all up: Things aren't right in society, and we aren't right to conform to them. We must face the world firmly in what we know is right and be watching for the blessings and paths God provides us. We're called to take our stand against the world's temptations with a righteous anger, but with a loving attitude. There's a middle ground for all of us, we just need to find it.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Pressure?
Judgement Day is fast approaching
No, I'm not talking about biblical apocalypse. The Region Band Tryouts for 2009 are coming in 9 days. It's been on my mind a ton lately. It became important to me pretty quickly, and depending on how it goes it may or may not stay that way. The past three years have been ridiculous. More work was put in than what I was rewarded with. I deserved a higher chair my Junior year, and perhaps maybe even my Sophomore year.
All I know is my Junior year, results were a total joke. I'm going in this year and showing the judges and the opponents that I should, without a doubt, be first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth chair, and that I've got what it takes to back it up.
I just wish I wasn't so mental about things. I made one mistake while playing my etude in class today, and it affected me throughout the rest of it. Nerves. Bah, Region Tryouts don't prove much. They really only prove who can play best under pressure. When you're in a concert band setting, you're not under nearly as much pressure. Regardless, I want to do good. I want to show everyone I'm more than they think I can be. Heck, I may even do good at area if I try hard enough. I just want to prove that I can be better than anyone thinks I can be.
My goals:
- Beat Josh Walker
- Place Top 5
- Beat Hannah
- Beat Katy
So in order to beat the two Abilene High kids and Hannah, I have to have the best possible tone and be able to play the etudes accurately and strictly to tempo. I plan on accomplishing this, and there's nothing on this earth that can hold me back from trying my absolute best while under pressure. I'm not going home settling for making region, I'm going home triumphant because I accomplished my goals.
All I know is my Junior year, results were a total joke. I'm going in this year and showing the judges and the opponents that I should, without a doubt, be first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth chair, and that I've got what it takes to back it up.
I just wish I wasn't so mental about things. I made one mistake while playing my etude in class today, and it affected me throughout the rest of it. Nerves. Bah, Region Tryouts don't prove much. They really only prove who can play best under pressure. When you're in a concert band setting, you're not under nearly as much pressure. Regardless, I want to do good. I want to show everyone I'm more than they think I can be. Heck, I may even do good at area if I try hard enough. I just want to prove that I can be better than anyone thinks I can be.
My goals:
- Beat Josh Walker
- Place Top 5
- Beat Hannah
- Beat Katy
So in order to beat the two Abilene High kids and Hannah, I have to have the best possible tone and be able to play the etudes accurately and strictly to tempo. I plan on accomplishing this, and there's nothing on this earth that can hold me back from trying my absolute best while under pressure. I'm not going home settling for making region, I'm going home triumphant because I accomplished my goals.
No prisoners!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Just a jab at psychoanalysis
Self-control's an idea that's been conceptualized by the world as (literally speaking) how much control one has over one's self. Which is common sense, of course. Self-control is a determinant of a person's personality, among others. It determines who you are and what you're like. Some people have more self-control, others have less.
It can be argued that it's something you're born with or if it's something you develop. I can see both sides of the issue. On one side you're born with a compassionate personality. You're willing to accept things as they are, accept people as they come, and generally not try to create a ripple in things if you can do so. Compassion leads to understanding, which leads to more self-control over such emotions as anger and outright rage. You understand people more, therefore you get angry at them less.
It's also easy to see how it's developed. Patience is a virtue that comes with practice, as is self-control. But where does it come from? I mean, how are some people able to have more self-control than others? That's what picked at my mind today, so I thought about it.
To me, self-control comes from two things:
(Note - Self-control in this post is mainly what I'm referring to to mean how composed one is around people. It's a much broader subject, but that's what it'll be in this post.)
1. Your past experiences - Self-control is either degraded or strengthened by what happens to you in your life. People who go through harder things are either likely to have volatile emotions or have little to no hint of emotion due to the fact that they're used to having hidden them all their lives. This again comes down to basic personality we're born with as humans. If you're compassionate by nature, you don't want to burden others with your troubles. Instead, you let others come to you and sympathize with them by supplying some of your own past experiences that click with theirs in order to make them feel like they're not alone. Now, the other end of the spectrum isn't necessarily without compassion. It's merely harder to find. As such, they're more prone to volatile responses instead of keeping it inside. Neither is particularly a bad thing, but exercising self-control is a value society tends to hold high in wants of a drama-free world (which exists practically nowhere, so what's the point of writing this again? :P )
2. Your view of people - Now, factors 1 and 2 are interconnected in that past experiences may affect your view of people. I could certainly go into all the types of views of people that I've seen in my experiences, but that would take forever and would probably be a longer read than you'd like seeing as this one's long enough, so I won't go into that. However, the main idea still stands that your view of people affects your level of self-control around them. The more sympathetic and interested you are in people, the more self-control you will have around them in an effort to help and / or learn from them as far as studying the psychological aspect of human nature. However, if one's easily angered, it's due to the fact that they've been hurt in the past, are experiencing problems in the present (or both), or are just anti-social or it's something built into their personality.
It still doesn't completely satisfy my curiosity as to why we have differing levels of self-control, but those were some of my thoughts on it. Hope you enjoyed my first pointless rant, err post.
"Self-control is the ability to indulge in your darkest desires and remain unchanged in mind and soul."
It can be argued that it's something you're born with or if it's something you develop. I can see both sides of the issue. On one side you're born with a compassionate personality. You're willing to accept things as they are, accept people as they come, and generally not try to create a ripple in things if you can do so. Compassion leads to understanding, which leads to more self-control over such emotions as anger and outright rage. You understand people more, therefore you get angry at them less.
It's also easy to see how it's developed. Patience is a virtue that comes with practice, as is self-control. But where does it come from? I mean, how are some people able to have more self-control than others? That's what picked at my mind today, so I thought about it.
To me, self-control comes from two things:
(Note - Self-control in this post is mainly what I'm referring to to mean how composed one is around people. It's a much broader subject, but that's what it'll be in this post.)
1. Your past experiences - Self-control is either degraded or strengthened by what happens to you in your life. People who go through harder things are either likely to have volatile emotions or have little to no hint of emotion due to the fact that they're used to having hidden them all their lives. This again comes down to basic personality we're born with as humans. If you're compassionate by nature, you don't want to burden others with your troubles. Instead, you let others come to you and sympathize with them by supplying some of your own past experiences that click with theirs in order to make them feel like they're not alone. Now, the other end of the spectrum isn't necessarily without compassion. It's merely harder to find. As such, they're more prone to volatile responses instead of keeping it inside. Neither is particularly a bad thing, but exercising self-control is a value society tends to hold high in wants of a drama-free world (which exists practically nowhere, so what's the point of writing this again? :P )
2. Your view of people - Now, factors 1 and 2 are interconnected in that past experiences may affect your view of people. I could certainly go into all the types of views of people that I've seen in my experiences, but that would take forever and would probably be a longer read than you'd like seeing as this one's long enough, so I won't go into that. However, the main idea still stands that your view of people affects your level of self-control around them. The more sympathetic and interested you are in people, the more self-control you will have around them in an effort to help and / or learn from them as far as studying the psychological aspect of human nature. However, if one's easily angered, it's due to the fact that they've been hurt in the past, are experiencing problems in the present (or both), or are just anti-social or it's something built into their personality.
It still doesn't completely satisfy my curiosity as to why we have differing levels of self-control, but those were some of my thoughts on it. Hope you enjoyed my first pointless rant, err post.
"Self-control is the ability to indulge in your darkest desires and remain unchanged in mind and soul."
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Realization
Driving back into Abilene one day, staring out the window at the sunlit scenery, I found myself wishing it'd never have to change. The safety within the boundaries of the town I've come to call my home, it feels like it'd be wrong to take it away. Even within Abilene though, things change. No matter how much we may want them to, they will.
I find myself tearing apart from the old person I used to be upon entering high school, and the one I'm becoming. Am I adapting to my new friends, or trying to hang on to my old? Am I living in the past, or attempting to embrace the future? I run these questions in my head over and over. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning wondering what day it is, and whether the last few years have been a dream.
I've come to realize, things don't usually go my way. They may have been pretty good lately, but I'm still waiting for the day when it all comes crashing down. I guess I've come to expect it. What can I rely on? Everything is unpredictable, ever-changing, ruthless and heartless.
Everyone changes. It's useless to deny that it happens, even to the most stubborn of us. Friends turn, enemies get closer. Things that once were, aren't, and things that weren't are. A whirl of activity encircles our lives, and intertwines us all into one set of destinies. The things we do, they're like pebbles thrown into a lake: ripples echo out from the source, touching every inch of water in their path. So we are, we touch others with the things we do. What exactly is it we do that will touch others? It becomes impossible to know, for the results are always different.
Only time will tell.
(Written 9/21/08)
I find myself tearing apart from the old person I used to be upon entering high school, and the one I'm becoming. Am I adapting to my new friends, or trying to hang on to my old? Am I living in the past, or attempting to embrace the future? I run these questions in my head over and over. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning wondering what day it is, and whether the last few years have been a dream.
I've come to realize, things don't usually go my way. They may have been pretty good lately, but I'm still waiting for the day when it all comes crashing down. I guess I've come to expect it. What can I rely on? Everything is unpredictable, ever-changing, ruthless and heartless.
Everyone changes. It's useless to deny that it happens, even to the most stubborn of us. Friends turn, enemies get closer. Things that once were, aren't, and things that weren't are. A whirl of activity encircles our lives, and intertwines us all into one set of destinies. The things we do, they're like pebbles thrown into a lake: ripples echo out from the source, touching every inch of water in their path. So we are, we touch others with the things we do. What exactly is it we do that will touch others? It becomes impossible to know, for the results are always different.
Only time will tell.
(Written 9/21/08)
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